A Week in the Life...

This previous week has been an ever changing series of events.  At times I've wanted to cry, occasionally I have laughed, and more frequently than my Mama would be proud of, I have cursed!  In dealing with a multitude of events, and trying to make sure we are caught up with the quickly approaching Spring, my blog post got put aside, twice.

Many people assume that living on a farm, or homestead, whichever you choose to call it, is a day to day life of serenity and sunshine, where you awake to the birds chirping, the sun shining and a day free of stress and obligation.  A part of that is sometimes true....occasionally....once in a while..... 

lA better description of the reality of my life is that I awake to the rooster crowing, goat kids screaming and/or an alarm blaring, the varied Missouri weather of 70 degrees one day and 30 the next, and a day that no matter how much you get done, you know more is waiting to be done.  The ever changing events of any given day can lead to frustration beyond belief.  Those are the days I realize that I need to learn to react to with a shrug and laughter, more often than anger and frustration.  Sometimes though, you just have one of those days.

We were actually making progress on the stands for barrels for planting in the green house.  We went to town and bought lumber, measured carefully and, after a couple of adjustments due to something that didn't cross our minds about how we were seating the half barrels, we ended up with some sturdy, waist high stands.  These stands will hold 4 half barrels that will be used for planting "salad" in the green house in the fall in hopes that we will have fresh grown greens and other salad fixings all winter long.  The plan will be to grow lettuce, spinach, kale, radishes, and onions, directly sown in the barrels.  I'm sure we will adjust our plans as we get further into the project. 



In the meantime, while we need to start seedlings for the summer garden, at least some of these barrels can be covered with a firm surface to create "tables" for our starter trays.  I cut some scrap plywood for that purpose, but I am getting a bit ahead of myself.  After finally completing the stands, I knew we were within minutes of getting my greenhouse to the point I could actually set a plant in it!  We hauled the stands to the greenhouse......only to find a minor problem.....

Though the greenhouse had withstood the high winds of spring on top of our hill for three weeks, for some reason it decided to succumb to the winds that day and go belly up!  We discovered it rocking back and forth on it's top.  It was amazing how quickly my demeanor flipped.  I went from feeling satisfaction and pride in knowing we were almost ready to add plants.....to wondering how in the world we were going to undo what Mother Nature had just accomplished. 

In looking back, I can laugh at how ridiculous my precious greenhouse looked, and can almost hear Mother Nature's witchy cackle as she reminded me that I needed to take the time to do things right.....like stake down the greenhouse!  Fortunately for us, we have a wonderful group of friends and a great family, so within a half hour of our frustrating discovery, we had help on the way, with a plan for up-righting the greenhouse and the rope it took to get it done.  I wish we had taken pictures of the process, because it actually turned out to be a very simple undertaking, that I couldn't see in my stressed out response.  We simply rocked it to one side, secured a rope to the bottom board, that was actually on the top, at the moment.  That rope was secured to the UTV and three of us guided and supported the greenhouse to it's proper position, while Papa pulled the rope with the UTV to pull it over. It's been 6 days since the greenhouse decided to do somersaults in the wind, and now is upright, staked down, door back on, barrels in place, plywood cut for tops of barrels, and a few plants started.  It feels and smells like a greenhouse.  It will have additions made to it, changes made to it, and further work done to it.  Just like life, it will be a constant work in progress.

Despite all the unforeseen issues, the past couple of weeks have allowed us to move the broilers to a large pen in the barn and make them a new feeder and waterer that will ensure they will have what they need to grow fast, and prevent many of the trips into the pen with feed and water.  We have moved the turkey poults to an outside pen, moved the quail to the large brooder box, butchered a pig to teach a friend who was uncertain how to butcher one himself, set the incubator full of Chukar eggs and officially check my digital thermometer for an accurate temperature reading, helped a friend milk out a Nannie goat with a sore udder, hung some shelves in the canning kitchen, had a short visit with my parents, and hosted Easter dinner complete with massive egg hunt. The nice days have been busy with outside activity and the rainy, cold days have been used to plan the outdoor projects that will be done when the sun shines again.

During my upside-down day, I realized a few things.  First of all, life is never still.  Life is a constant stream of changing events.  Our reactions to those events our what help to determine whether we are going to have good days or bad days.  I work on my reactions constantly, and while some think I am too laid back, others think I am too volatile and harsh.  I have high expectations.  But none of my expectations are any higher than the expectations I set for myself.  Rolling with the punches must be a developed skill to allow life to be enjoyed.  In addition to learning to roll with the punches, it has been critical for me to learn to understand the differences in Men and Women.

No, I have not just now discovered the physical differences in the sexes, but have focused on the psychological and emotional differences.  Do I respond well to those differences?.....nope....not usually, just ask Papa if there is any doubt.  I am still, at times, totally confused by these differences, but I am aware of them.  This awareness is the beginning of understanding and compromising. 

Let's take for a minute, laundry.  Ladies, did you know that most men DO NOT MIND dressing from the basket of clean clothing?  Really, they don't care!  Their clothing is available and clean.  Good enough for them!  Men, did you realize that there are women who find it important to fold and put away laundry after it is clean and dry, but also ORGANIZE their closets and drawers?  Yes, my clothing in my closet goes from white to cream to gray to black to brown to rust to red to pink......and each section goes from sleeveless to short sleeves to long sleeves to sweaters/jackets.  I can find what I want quickly, put together outfits that I feel good about wearing and quickly change from dirty jeans and boots to something clean and nice to run to town for feed.  And, yes, that is important to me.  I truly feel better about myself if I go to town free from the odor of pig or chicken shart. 

How about the perception of tools.....and their storage, or lack of.  Some men truly find it easier to return to the place where they last used them, and search for them than to have to open a tool box or cabinet to find them.  They actually usually know where they used it last, and are perfectly happy with the extra time it takes to do a project caused by the search for the elusive 1/2" box end wrench, that they used 4 weeks ago to replace the lawn mower blade.  The see no need to waste time organizing the screw drivers by size and design in a separate drawer from the wrenches arranged in size order.  They will be used and thrown in the last opened drawer, if they don't get left where they are.  On the same line, gentlemen, do not be surprised if your tender loving lady becomes a fire-breathing-rainbow-word-spewing-dragon.....when, even though they have bought you the fourth set of screwdrivers in less than that number of months.....they can not find one to complete a 2 minute job.   

Gentlemen, the view of watching your lovely farm woman use your best screwdriver, along with your new Eastwing hammer to chip away the large boulder that is preventing her from planting that new rose bush in the perfect spot, is about as pleasant to you as the feeling she gets when she finds Gramma Emma's antique bowl in the dog pen full of dog feed!

The author who wrote, "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" surely lived on a farm where two very intelligent people are trying to come to an agreement on the best plan to get the same result.  Or they lived in a home where the most important jobs of getting ready to have company for dinner have been strongly debated for eons. 

For the lady of the house, the importance of mowing the yard for the third time this week is definitely up for debate.  While the man of the house, sees no need to make sure the floors are swept for the second time today....after all, "those young 'uns are going to be running in and out all day anyway"....and who will know whether the stove was shiny and the counters were spotless, because they are soon going be covered with delicious food and no one will care.

Life has away of giving us balance, if we accept it.  It gives us ups and downs, it gives us sun and rain, it gives us cold and warmth, it gives us men and women, all of which are not only necessary to survive,  but useful to creating a life we enjoy and want to pass on to our children and grandchildren.  I recently had an impromptu Easter dinner at the house.  No one who came knew that my stove was not as clean as I wanted it, that both my washer and dryer were full of laundry in various stages of completion or that my bed was not made.  And apparently no one cared that my laundry basket was full of clean clothing waiting to be folded, nor did they care that there were cobwebs in the corners or that I didn't take time to change from my "chore clothes" to "company clothes". 

They did enjoy the food, loved being outside for a HUGE Easter Egg hunt, and visited and hooped and hollered throughout the afternoon.  The grandchildren will not have memories of a dinner where Nana was cranky and running them out from under foot, but will remember getting to sweep the floor (even though the corners were missed) without someone coming behind them making them feel like they weren't good enough.  They will remember getting to "stuff" the Easter eggs with candy with their Great Grandmother.  My 8 year old granddaughter will remember getting to peel potatoes for the first time (with a vegetable peeler).  My grandson will remember feeling the pride of putting the baby goat back in his pen, by himself, without being made to feel like he wasn't fast enough to do it himself.  These are the feelings I want everyone to feel when they are with us.  These feelings are only nurtured when you allow yourself the time and opportunity to truly and realistically set priorities and gain an understanding of the that are truly important to others.   

Spring is definitely a busy time, where every spare minute can be filled.  No matter what you get done, there is more waiting to do.  So I challenge you all to take a deep breath, smile at your family, and enjoy what you are doing.  If you are doing it just because it needs to be done, you are missing so much.

I mean really, who would want to miss a moment like this?  Welcome to my life! :)

Living With Your Expectations

In my last post of December 2015, I spent some time reflecting on some struggles that I have been having since Papa got sick last summer, and began looking at the ways I had let myself get off balance.  I had gotten off balance with myself, off balance with our life and off balance with our plan for moving forward.  Papa's experience has led to many changes in our lives.  I had set unrealistic expectations for myself.  The first item on my list of foolish expectations says a lot:

1.    Do whatever needed to be done that Papa could no longer do on his own.

I have never been one to ask for help, but I have stopped to realize that our pioneer ancestors did not do things entirely on their own.  They traveled west in wagon trains for safety and to pool resources.  After arriving at their destinations, they settled in communities.  There, within the communities a neighbor that was in need that was helped by the other neighbors.  Whether trading labor, bartering for supplies, creating threshing crews, attending barn raisings, or participating in quilting bees, the Pioneers worked together to make sure everyone was as successful as possible.  Fields were plowed and planted, hay and grain was harvested, even firewood was cut by groups of people, not individuals.  

It seems to me that surrounding ourselves with like-minded people is a good step toward building a community of Modern Pioneers.  Self-sufficiency in today's world can be different that for our ancestors.  For us, we want to avoid purchasing processed foods in the big box stores as much as possible for both economic and health reasons.  We heat both our home and our water with wood, saving our propane for our dryer for the few times we need to dry clothing and cannot hang them on the clothes line.  I grind wheat to make whole wheat flour, that I use to make bread and rolls, and even pancakes.  We raise pigs, rabbits, calves, chickens, and are looking into raising goats for meat and eggs.  With all that being said, if something goes awry for us, it means a trip to the store, work wasted, and sometimes money spent to correct the situation.  For our ancestors a lost crop or animal illness or death could mean the difference in surviving the upcoming winter. 

I have electricity and have modern conveniences to help with the tasks needed to live our modern pioneering lifestyle.  This is necessary for us, as I also work a full time job that requires me to be gone from home for a minimum of 48 hours a week.  Without our modern equipment, there would not be time to actually do the things we want and need to do.  There is a part of me that would love to life off grid and be totally independent of the electric companies, big box stores, etc.  But that would be mean no off the farm job, and working it 24/7 like our ancestors did.  We have bank loans, and other modern obligations that simply do not allow us to forget about society and disappear into the wilderness to live on our own, not to mention the fact that we are soft and spoiled and not as young as we used to be!  I don't know many people that could suddenly go off grid, step back in time and forgo all that modern society offers.  I do, however, know many people that want to grow their own food, process fruits and vegetables for winter storage, process their own meat, heat with wood, make their own soap, cook from scratch, etc.  With our Facebook group, SW Missouri Homesteaders Buy, Barter, Sell or Trade, we have begun to develop a group of local people that have the same goals of living a self-supporting lifestyle that we do.  This group has shared ideas, traded items, traded labor, taught each other knowledge and skills and been an unfailing support system. 

We have been supplied with blueberries when we could not go pick for ourselves.  We have had our cow milked numerous times, before we decided to sell her after Papa got sick.  We have helped friends render lard.  We have worked together to butcher chickens.  We taught friends to butcher rabbits, to can green beans, shared recipes... the list goes on and on.  I have resources just a call away.  The problem I had with the expectation that I should be able to do it myself is mine.  I have a very hard time making that call for help.  I need to remember that is ok to ask for assistance, accept offers of help and offer up help in return.

One of the differences I have noticed in today's society is that people are not as in tune to what to what is going on around them.  We all get so wrapped up in our own places, our own ideas, our own struggles, that we forget to look around us at others to see if there is anything that we could do to help them.  Right or wrong, that is a fact of life for all of us in our current society.  We can work to make that better, one step at a time, one instance at a time.  Noticing that someone is struggling and offering up help is the root of community.  When that does not happen, there is no shame in asking for help.  There is also no shame is changing the way we are doing things, that might be less labor intensive that would either allow Papa to do it, or allow me to do it in his place.  It is time for me to look around and see what we can do differently, what we can do to trade labor with friends and what we can barter or hire done. 

I now realize that while there are a lot of things that I can do on my own, and that Papa can still do, there is no reason to struggle, take a chance on injury, and have impossible expectations.  We have a very supportive family and a group of supportive friends that will need our help as well.  So, for those of you who feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, trying to get things started and keep them going, I have the following advice to make your journey easier and more pleasant.

First, examine your expectations.  Are your expectations realistic?  Are you working with a plan that has a firm foundation and that you are building on in steps?  Are you gradually adding the parts you need to create the lifestyle you want to live?  Or, are you expecting to jump in with both feet and do it all from the beginning with no problems, no struggles, no help and no failures?  (Don't ask me about my initial plan...how do you think I understand the differences? ;-) )  Build a plan that adds a little at a time.  Perhaps a garden is the first step, with learning to freeze and can your surplus is the first step.  This can be done in many ways.  You could even choose to can your own food by taking advantage of Farmer's Markets or bulk sales at the store, without any acreage or any dirt under your fingernails.  Pick what is important to you, and build from that.  Don't try to do it all at one time.  If your expectations are unrealistic and impossible, you could quickly become overwhelmed and have set yourself up for failure.

Second, periodically re-examine your expectations and your plan.  Are there adjustments that need to be made? Is everything on track? Is there anything that you need to back up and re-evaluate?  Don't be afraid to make changes.  Some of life's most important lessons come out of failures.  The least you should do is see what things can be improved upon and take steps for that improvement.  Make sure you are continuing to work on the things that are important to you and your family.  Your needs will be different than everyone else's needs, so your plan should be unique, specialized to your family.  You can learn many things from others, but that does not mean that everything you learn needs to become a priority in your plan or that the priorities of others need to become your own.

Third, utilize your resources.  Take advantage of family and friends that are willing to help by teaching, working, helping or sharing.  Don't be afraid to ask for help when it is needed.  Think about the pleasure you feel when someone asks you to teach them or help them with something.  This feeling of pride and worthiness needs to be experienced by everyone, and when you acknowledge your need for help, you are allowing someone else to experience those feelings, as well as getting the help you need to accomplish the tasks at hand.

Finally, take notice of the family and friends that share your goals and plans.  Be mindful of the things they are going through.  Offer up a hand, show up to help with whatever is being done that day, pay attention and make sure that you are providing as much to the relationship as you are receiving from it.  Nothing will end a relationship sooner, than one party feeling taken advantage of; one person constantly helping, advising, giving to another, but the other never reciprocating.  Enjoy gifting as well as receiving.

I am working to make some changes in my attitude toward our life.  I will be working on improving what we have and making sure that if we decide to expand to include raising a new animal, learning a process, or perfecting a new technique, we are ready for it.  I will remember that we can't do it all, and we don't need to do it all.  We need to focus on what is important to us.  We have friends that are willing to help, and will need help in return.  Most importantly I will work toward being realistic in what I expect and accept the fact that it is ok to not do it all. 

Last year was a good lesson in many ways and I look forward to continuing our journey toward a simple, healthy life being a Modern Missouri Pioneer. 

Balance

Today has been a challenging day, to say the least.  As I sit tonight, on the last day of 2015, and think about the day, and the past year, I began searching for balance.  Balance has been missing for me for awhile.  It has been a trying year, full of wonderful events (the marriage of our daughter to her best friend), and some not-so-wonderful events (Papa was hospitalized twice).  I considered telling the whole story of our summer, but decided that the events of the summer are really not relevant to where I find my mind on this winter night, as I wait for one year to end and another to begin.  Suffice it to say, Papa had some diabetic complications that lead to a partial amputation of his right foot, changing his life and the way he does things forever.  I include this only to explain why I have been looking for some information on Balance....balance between positive and negative, balance between needs and wants, balance between dreams and reality.   

I never knew there were so many definitions for "balance".  When I looked it up, there were no less than 25 definitions of balance just as a noun.  These definitions were followed by many more with the term balance used as a verb.  No wonder balance is so hard to achieve.  There are so many aspects to that one simple word, that it seems as though it might be impossible to achieve it.

A Google search  "homesteading balance the inside with outside" lead to a post by Jill Winger over at The Prairie Homestead caught my eye.  I've been a follower of The Prairie Homestead for quite some time and the post, You Can't Do It all, struck cord with the way I've been living and thinking since the early summer.  I would never hold the expectations I've had of myself for someone else.  Jill shared how she came to realize what she was doing to herself, and I could definitely relate.  I don't know if it is just a "girl thing" or if it is an oldest child thing, or if it is simply a Nana thing.  Is it a thing inside of me that has somehow gotten twisted up and turned around and left dangling upside-down or do others share the same issue?  At least one does, and thank you Jill for sharing.  I am going to jump on the band wagon and share once again, in attempt to keep myself in check and perhaps help someone else that might be facing the same struggles.  Jill says, "You can't do it all."  I say, "It's time for some slack." 

Jill listed the things she expected of herself, and saw the list was crazy impossible, and followed with 5 tips to keep your sanity while homesteading. 

1.  make a list
2.  prioritize
3. cut it out!
4. out source
5. let go of perfectionism

I will share my list and my realizations, my tips for dealing with these unrealistic expectations and ways that I will try to hold myself accountable and break the old habits of trying to be perfect and trying to be everything to everyone. 

I have been expecting myself to:

1.    Do whatever needed to be done that Papa could no longer do on his own
2.    Maintain the yard by mowing and weed-eating regularly (with the neighbors yard this is probably close to an acre of mowed area.)
3.    Keep the gardens weeded and growing
4.    Can and process all that the garden produced
5.    Keep the flower beds cleaned out and mulched
6.    Keep enough chickens, rabbits, and pigs to produce our meat
7.    Organize and participate in all the butchering done on the farm
8.    Work a full time job (48-72 hours gone from home each week)
9.    Keep the house company ready
10.  Have guests over on a regular basis and serve from scratch meals, down to the desserts
11.  Never expect guests to help with prep, clear the table, put away food or wash dishes
12.  Keep the laundry done, folded and put away
13.  Cook meals at home to avoid the high cost of eating out
14.  Buy only the basics at the grocery store for healthier, budget friendly meals
15.  Make all cleaners, detergents, medications myself again, for a healthier, budget friendly life
16.  Be available to do my share when it is time to help friends and family with projects

I could go on, but I think that is enough to prove a point to myself that I am CRAZY! No one can live up to those expectations, at least not for very long without the stress eating them alive.  Some things are just a part of life, and I have to accept that there will be times that are stressful and chaotic.  But there are other things on this list, that are totally unnecessary. 

So....here's the deal....I'm going through my list, and deciding now, how to eliminate some of the stress of this list.  Deciding what is realistic for ME, with what God has given me at this time in my life.  I can continue to be crazed with trying to maintain perfection or I can enjoy life.  While I will begin to learn to accept that I can cut myself some slack, I will also start to expect more of others.  I will allow others to feel the reward of giving....my guests can learn how good it feels to help with the dishes and leave me with a clean kitchen after a home-cooked meal. 

I have been  trying to decide what types of things to post in the coming weeks and months.  I have several ideas, and will be sharing some simple recipes, traditions, and modern ways of doing old-time things.  But perhaps the most important of all will be the 16 musings I will write as I decide exactly how to adjust my thinking on the above list. 

Jill suggests making a list prioritizing to help keep the tasks at hand manageable.  Perhaps my biggest task and the biggest priority of all is dealing with my list above, giving myself permission to have a little slack, and allowing others to pick up some of that slack.  After all being a Modern Missouri is supposed to be rewarding and enjoyable, not confining and stressful. 

And I have just given myself permission to have a whole blog post without a single picture.

Happy New Year everyone.